Harry Potter Wokeus Upus Gayus!
by Jezebel sil Jazz
Summary: Harry performed an ill-advised spell on himself, and woke up.. ehh... rather gay. *SLASH* Harry/Oliver


authors notes:  
I am a big fat meanie. This has not been Beta-ed, because I can't find anyone to do it.  
Also, my first fanfic in the HP fandom. Before now, I've just been slashing *Nsync.  
It's on of those "So and so woke up gay" fics. Oh, and Harry is rather young, I guess. So if that squicks you.. buh bye!  
  
  
Harry Potter, the boy who lived, the youngest Seeker in a century, slowly fought the world   
coming into focus.  
  
// Nooo... not yet... \\  
  
his eyes opened unwillingly, a sleepy haze marring his sight.  
  
// Ah! breakfast! \\  
  
His stomach grumbled, and almost *magically* he lifted his head, and was surprised  
immensely as the rest of his body followed.  
  
He sprung from the bed, and flippantly tossed his shaggy hair out of his eyes.  
  
// What a *fabulous* day! *So* sunny! \\  
  
He peered out the window, distaste obvious in his demeanor.  
  
// Like they can't afford to put some curtains up! *Honestly*, if this room got any colder,  
I'd be the ice queen \\  
  
He picked up the clothes at the foot of his bed, and began dressing. Or, tried to get dressed.  
His legs just wouldn't go in.  
  
// What..? OH! Well, *obviously*, I can't be expected to wear *that*. \\  
  
He threw his clothes, his very ugly clothes, into the laundry basket, and ripped the sheet from  
his bed, wrapping his thin body in it. It would do until he could get some *real* clothes.  
  
"Seamus?" he whispered loudly, and poked the prone form still fast asleep. "Seamus! I have  
an *emergency* here!"  
  
"Gahhh.." Seamus groaned, and turned away.  
  
"Seamus! *Please*, you can afford to miss some beauty sleep. This is a matter of life or  
fashion!" he went beyond a poke, and shoved Seamus.  
  
"Harrrrrrrrryyyyyyy..." Seamus whined, and sleepily opened his eyes. "Harry?!?" he bolted   
upright, and gaped at Harry.  
  
"We've established that my name is Harry. Now look, I *need* some of your clothes, I   
have *nothing* to wear." Harry rolled his eyes, "Can you *believe* the uniforms here?"  
  
"Harry.." Seamus said suspiciously, "You've woken up gay, haven't you?"  
  
// I see *someone's* gaydar is working properly. For once. If I had a galleon for every  
time Seamus made a pass at a non-member.... \\  
  
"Gayer than gay." Harry said happily, and began rummaging through Seamus' clothes chest.  
  
"That's *fabulous*, Harry! We'll have so much fun together. Now I have someone to shop  
at Nini's Fab Grab Bags for hags and fags, in Diagon Alley, with!" Seamus said, a huge grin  
spreading over his freckled face.  
  
"I'd *love* to, Seamus, however... I need something to wear *now*."  
  
"Well.... I did just get a be-dazzler for Christmas..."  
  
~*~  
  
Harry threw open the doors dramatically, and sashayed into the common room loudly, his  
sparkly boots clicking melodiously on the wooden floor.  
  
It wasn't any surprise to see that every head in the room turned toward him.  
  
// My, my.. aren't we feeling a little tacky today. Please. Black baggy robes just do *not*  
suit some people. \\  
  
"Hellooooo, dahlings!" he blew a kiss in the direction of Fred, and George, who winked at  
him. He replied with a dazzling smile, and sauntered over to Hermione and Ron.  
  
"Um... Harry?" Hermione questioned, an entirely unusual look of confusion marring her   
otherwise *quite* intelligent face.  
  
// Intelligent, yeah, that'd be about it. If intelligent meant *dog*, that is. \\  
  
"Yes, Hermoine, dahling?" Harry swished over to her, and reclined, fainting style, onto  
the armchair across from her. He didn't notice that several students in the immediate vicinity  
suddenly got up and moved far, far away.  
  
"You... are wearing..." she pointed at his outfit, as if afraid to say the words.  
  
// What? Like she has any room to talk? We're talking birkenstock city with this one. \\  
  
"Harry..." Ron finished for her, looking over his shoulder, "You're wearing a *midriff*, and your pants  
have got glitter on them."  
  
"I am *not* wearing a midriff.. it's a half-shirt." Harry informed him haughtily.  
  
"I don't think that's in the school dress code...." Ron swept away his chess game, and moved  
to the floor in front t of Harry.  
  
"Harry...." Hermione was starting to get that intelligent look back on her face  
  
// Which is good, really. She needs something to fall back on. \\  
  
"Harry..." she repeated.  
  
"Hmmmmm?" Harry cocked one excellently arched eyebrow at her. It of course helped that he  
had taken the liberty of plucking them this morning.  
  
"You haven't done any new spells lately, one that might be from the book Professor   
McGonagall wanted us to read, about "personality" transformation?"   
  
Ron's jaw dropped. Literally.  
  
"Oh, not wakeus upus gayus!" He groaned, shutting his eyes. "pleeeeaaaase tell me you didn't.."  
  
"I did." Harry said, nearly proud that he done something so obviously naughty. "I wanted to  
wake up in a good mood, I'm *so* tired of being a sourpuss in the morning."  
  
Hermione shook hr head. "Harry, that's not exactly what it does.."  
  
"No, its not. " Ron agreed "Fred once did the spell on George, for a lark, and he really paid the  
price... as far as I know, he's still paying the price."  
  
Harry glanced over at Fed and George, who were thoroughly involved in whatever practical  
joke they were inventing. And sitting rather close to each other.  
  
// *Definitely* still paying the price. \\  
  
"Harry.." Hermione paused, thinking, " We're going to have find a way   
to reverse the charm."  
  
Ron groaned, again. "Not the library.. we spent all day yesterday in there."  
  
"Yes, the library. Ron, do you *want* Harry to stay like this?"  
  
"No."  
  
// No? No? Well, isn't that lovely. Just when you thought you've met the man of your  
dreams... \\  
  
"I'm tired of this conversation. *I'm* going to.... to...."  
  
"Quidditch practice?" Ron reminded him  
  
"Ew. I think I'll skip today."  
  
"Wood will be wicked mad, Harry. You know this is his last year, it's now or never   
for him."  
  
Hermione nodded her agreement.  
  
// Wood. Of course. The hottest scottish student at Hogwarts. Maybe Quidditch   
wouldn't be *so* bad \\  
  
"Wood? Oliver Wood.. that's right... Oliver. My team captain.... I think I *will* go to  
practice..." Harry said dreamily, lifted himself delicately off the chair, and exited, leaving 6   
thoroughly confused and somewhat frightened Gryffindors behind.  
  
~*~  
  
"Ah! Harry, there you are." Oliver Wood came running over to Harry, who had just   
stepped onto the Quidditch field.  
  
"Oliver, hello." Harry said coyly  
  
// My, my. He could give Brad Pitt a run for his knuts... \\  
  
"Um, nice.. outfit." Oliver said, coming to stop.  
  
"Oh," Harry blushed, "Thank you. You are *so* sweet."  
  
"Heh.. I'm not really."  
  
"Yes, you are." Harry insisted, and took a step closer, closing the gap between the two  
boys.  
  
"Anyway.... so we're going to practice dodging bludgers today, okay?" Oliver quickly  
changed the subject. "Last game was truly awful, everyone was sluggish when it came to  
getting out of the way."   
  
"Oi! Harry!"  
  
Harry looked around, until he found the person(s) belonging to the voice. Fred and George  
bobbed their bright red heads as they mounted their broomsticks.  
  
// Fred. *And* George. Mounting broomsticks. Oh, get your mind out of the gutter, Harry! \\  
  
"Hot look, we think!" George called out, and Fred emphasized this by whistling.  
  
"Thanks, boys!" Harry shouted shrilly.  
  
"Look, Harry, where's your broomstick?" Oliver suddenly said.  
  
"Oh..." Harry looked at his hands, as if his trusty Nimbus 2000 could be found there. "I  
must have left it in the dorm."  
  
"Don't worry. I'll get it, eh?"  
  
// Cute, *and* a gentleman. How could it be that he is unattached? I just might have  
to remedy that.. \\   
  
"Thanks, Oli, you're a doll." Harry grinned, and took off to join the twins.  
  
~*~  
  
Oliver couldn't find the broom anywhere. He looked under Harry's bed, around his bed,  
above his bed, in his chest, by his chest, under his chest, at his usual spot by the fireplace,  
in every corner, and in all the cloak racks.  
  
He had just about given up when Hermione came out of the girls dorm, book in hand,  
of course.  
  
"Hermione! Have you seen Harry's broomstick?"  
  
"I've not. Have you?" she sat with a plop in the closet seat to the fireplace.  
  
"No. That's why I asked you."  
  
"Well, I haven't seen it."  
  
"Blimey." Oliver turned to go out the door, but thought better of it. "Hermione...."  
  
"Hmmm?" she said, not bothering to look up from her book.  
  
"Have you noticed.. anything queer about Harry today?" he asked  
  
Hermione replied by bursting out with laughter, something Oliver had never seen her do  
before. "You could say that.."  
  
"Well, what wrong with him, then?"  
  
She rolled her eyes dramatically, another thing Oliver had never seen her do. "He's   
performed "Wakeus Upus Gayus" on himself, Oliver. He's queer today, indeed."  
  
Oliver stared at her, shocked. Harry, gay?  
  
"Well, is there a cure?"  
  
"There has to be somewhere. I'm surprised you care.. you should be proud of yourself..  
after how Harry acted when Ron mentioned you..."  
  
"What? How'd he act?"  
  
"He got all starry eyed and he *blushed*."  
  
"Oh... well that's good for him. What makes you think I'd be happy about that, then?"  
  
"Well, your reputed history with Percy sort of dictates that you'd find it flattering. And  
besides... Harry's not exactly displeasing to the eye."  
  
That *was* true. A little to true, in fact.  
  
"Well... me and Harry are going to have to have a little talk then.... about how this  
will affect his Seeking, of course."  
  
And Oliver went out the door, a little lighter in his step than before.  
  
~*~  
  
"What did you want to talk to me about, Oliver?" Harry said, crossing his legs and placing   
his hands neatly in his lap.  
  
"Well...." Oliver crossed the room, and sat on the desk in front of Harry. "it has come to  
my attention that you have.. ceased to be interested in the fairer sex."  
  
// DUH! \\  
  
"Actually... I think you're rather fair yourself, Oliver."   
  
"You do?"  
  
// Aww.. cute, a gentleman, and humble! The perfect man. \\  
  
"I do."  
  
"That's grand, Harry. Really grand. 'Cause I think you're fair. Very fair, actually." Oliver  
moved off the desk, and kneeled in front of Harry. "Fair enough to kiss. If you'll let me."  
  
Harry grinned wildly, and said "All's fair in love and war, Oliver. Now kiss me."  
  
And he did.  
  
~*~  
  
I don't know, maybe a sequel someday?  
  
Thanks for reading. 


End file.
